In
the dark days before the dawn of the information superhighway, we relied upon
storytelling to connect us and nurture our friendships. We would sit drinking coffee (later in life it
was alcohol), recounting shared behavior that barely qualified us as silly
monkeys. The same stories would be
paraded out between us, contradicted, and reworked from everyone’s
perspective. This was the soul-sustenance
that bound us as family and friends. The
recounting of mutual mundane adventure reaffirmed our relationships.
A
few older generations of Hawaiians use an interpersonal ritual called Honi,
which I have only seen a few times. Honi
is an older tradition where two people would place the sides of their noses
together and breathe, exchanging the “breath of life” and spiritual power
between them. In practice, when friends
and loved ones would meet after an absence, they would put their foreheads
together and hold each other. Sometimes they
closed their eyes. Sometimes they would
place a hand on the back of each other’s heads and just remain there for long
minutes breathing in each other’s scents, refreshing each other in their physical
senses. They would remain silent. They would ignore the world around them and
just remember on a truly basic level, “you are of my kind”. I saw this on the West side of the island of
Kauai. This place maintains the most
contact with the people who live on the dry island of Ni’ihau. The residents of
that island are engaged in primitive traditional Hawaiian living and
culture. They speak Hawaiian as a
primary language and still affirm their bonds with this endearing ritual.
Humans
(and all vertebrates) have a group of genes that play a role in our immune
systems by recognizing antigens. A group
of genes present on the surface of our cells called the Major Histocompatibility
Complex (MHC), acts as a mediator for acquired immunity to pathogens in our
bodies. They help to recognize and
identify things as “self”, or “non-self” on a molecular level. It has been suggested that our sense of smell
helps us personally identify individuals based on their MHCs. In studies involving MHCs, participants were
asked to rank the odors of t-shirts worn by the opposite sex according to
pleasantness. The participants
significantly chose the odors of people whose MHCs were least similar to their
own. This would suggest that the
offspring from that couple would have a greater immunity to diseases through
the genes passed on to them. From an evolutionary standpoint, this means that we are geared to recognize and mate with people who's genetic makeup would give our children a higher chance of survival. Perhaps the
ritual of Honi facilitates individual recognition on a molecular level. I remember discussing MHCs while tutoring a
dear friend of mine in zoology early in my college education.
Everyone
has a friend named Jen. An incredibly
boisterous and flamboyant Hispanic gentleman once highlighted this for me when I
introduced him to my own friend Jen. He exclaimed, “Oh, she’s your MFJ!” My Friend Jen (MFJ) has remarked on a number
of occasions that I should write a book.
I do relish MFJ’s loving encouragement in this. I also believe that people generally
have a greater need to write than they do to read what other people have
written. I don’t know that I have
anything so important to say that I think other people should go out of their
way to read it. We’ve moved on in life,
in circumstances, and in the way that we reaffirm our bonds through
storytelling. Now that we connect in a
more ephemeral way through social media, I find myself missing the old
conversation-into-the-night/companion-sniffing rituals that made my relationships
what they are.
Maybe
there are further unseen interactions that can explain why MFJ sometimes
demonstrates an inexplicable and instant dislike for certain females upon
meeting, yet later develops powerful and lasting friendships with them. Maybe there is a molecular basis for this
changing bond, which is developed through time spent together in each other’s
scents. Maybe the rituals of drink and
story helped. The great thing about
stories and science is that they both change as we learn more. We are coming to terms with new and different
methods of communication. We are relying
on techniques for reaffirming our bonds on a regular basis that are instant,
quick, and less substantial. I don’t
feel that more frequent interactions through technology provide the same quality
of connection as actually showing up for our relationships. Like it or not, we are engaging in
faster-paced lives. I don’t have regular
exposure to MFJ’s MHCs (or many of my loved ones). Physical distance, complicated lives, and
successful careers have bungled the rituals we have always relied upon to
maintain the strong bonds we hold dear.
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| Remedy, or Fascist intimidation? |
So,
I’m starting a blog. The Internet being
what it is these days, I expect this statement to have an equal effect as
stating, “I’m giving away castor oil”, or, “I’ve made some fruitcake”. Few people will know what to do with
these. Fewer still will have any practical
use for them. It turns out that castor
oil has a wide array of uses ranging from food additives, industrial
lubricants, and food grain preservatives, to laxatives, and plastic
manufacture. Apparently it was used in
Fascist Italy as an intimidator by being force-fed to victims in combination
with bludgeoning. Fruitcake is just
inedible, and may be used as a bludgeon itself.
In any case, I’m taking the time to write here. Maybe it will help reaffirm our
relationships. Maybe it will simply be a
diuretic.
In
accordance with the dating habits of my 19-year old self, I am not committing
to anything here. I may not post often,
but when I do, I’ll really mean it. Take
the time to comment, especially if you remember things differently.
Thanks
for stopping by.

Dearest Chris,
ReplyDeleteIt's true that I'm not sure what to do with your digital fruit cake but I'm very glad to have it. It's almost like I can smell you from the other side of the Pacific. I miss smelling you (in the metaphorical sense), even if I do not miss smelling your little dog (in the very literal sense).
Love,
Jared
PS Maori folks are super into the whole mashing together of the foreheads and inhaling thing. Polynesians in general seem to dig that.
I love this. Keep writing and I will keep reading.
ReplyDelete